A Second Chance [day twenty.two]

Someone you want to give a second chance to.... I have to admit, I used to give second (third, fourth...) chances out too often. I've gotten burned too many times, so my "second chances" don't come easily anymore. I want this letter to have some thought behind it, so I'm going to sit on it for a little while. When I can think of someone that truly deserves it, I'll make sure to write them.

First Impressions... [day twenty.one]

They say first impressions mean everything... I think they lie. Often times, a person isn't always their true selves when they first meet you. It's human nature to want someone to like you when you meet them. Other times, someone has already put something about that person in your head... whether that be something good or bad about them. When I saw the topic of this letter, I was unsure as to who I would write to. I typically don't go by a first impressions, but there is one case that I can think of and I was only reminded of it today. Over the past 10-12 years, my opinions of a certain person have been clouded, and I feel bad about that. It's a rude awakening to find out that someone you thought was your best friend, was a lie the entire time. This black widow knows how to weave her web exactly right so that you get sucked in and blinded to what's really going on. Unfortunately, Wendy and I were two of the people trapped. Now that we're free, we realize that we were wrong about each other.
     
Dear Wendy,
       Let me start of by saying, karma will catch up to that bitch, but in the meantime, I'm glad that we can finally get along without her. I hate that I ever believed any of her lies. I remember when I met you, one of my first thoughts was "Who's this bitch?" I would get pissed because I felt like when I was wasn't around, you would talk behind my back (because that's what I was being told). Over time, I heard different things that would upset me, but in the back of my head, something didn't ever make sense. It may have taken us years but, now we know the truth and I'm glad to have a friendship started up with you! It's amazing what you can find out about a person once they stab you in the back. I can't believe how many people she had fooled. I'm sorry that I ever doubted shit.... It's good getting to know the side of you I've never really had a chance to know. I look forward to making memories with you!

So, lesson learned.... Don't always trust your first impression of someone... You could very well be wrong.

Broken Hearted [day twenty]

Dear Brian,
       From day one, I have loved you. Sometimes, too much. You changed my life and showed me that someone could love me for me. When we first got together, I didn't think two people could love each other more! The love we had was absolutely amazing... I convinced myself that a love like that would never go wrong and it would never end. I knew in my heart that it would last forever and that I had nothing to worry about...
       I'm sorry that I changed. I went from being happy... to being extremely depressed and I know that was miserable on you. I wish I would have recognized it sooner and could have gotten help. I turned lazy and was completely unmotivated with life... with no job. Looking back, it doesn't surprise me that you were unhappy. Sure, we would argue and you would "warn" me about your unhappiness... Again, I never thought it would end, so I figured it was just a phase...
       I should have been medicated, and we should have had counseling. Instead, you chose to do something no one ever thought you would. At that point, I had failed at marriage, but it was not to the point where it couldn't be saved. You had given up. You had reached the point where you realized that single life was for you and didn't want to bother with keeping the vows you said. No one ever said marriage was easy! No one said that you wouldn't have times where you want to give up, but the it's something you have to work at.
       Even after I found everything out, I wanted to stay with you. I begged for counseling and separation... I didn't want to give up that easily even though you had just ripped my heart out. I couldn't believe it. I blamed myself for not being a good wife. Yet, on the other hand I was fucking furious. How in the hell could you do that to me?! I wanted you to feel the pain that had surged through my body. I wanted to come back and tell you I had done the same thing (even though I had not) just to see if you would hurt too. I knew you wouldn't give a shit though.
       As the days and weeks went I wondered if I ever knew you at all. After 3 years of marriage and 5 years together, you had turned into someone I didn't know. It pissed me off when you insisted upon divorce as the answer before giving the other options a try. There I was... the day I swore would never come... signing divorce papers. I was always terrified of you dying before me... I thought that would be the only way we would not be together.... and yet, infidelity had ruined my life... As I signed those papers, I balled my eyes out and hated myself at the same time. I should be the one pushing for divorce... yet I was the one begging to stay with you. My heart literally hurt. I had never felt that much pain in my life.
       I had picture our life together being so much different. I wanted to own a home, have more children, have a successful career... just be happy. I never expected it to be perfect... I just expected it to last. Although, I am fortunate that I have you back. We still have a lot to work on, but I'm thankful for what I have. I love you so very much. There are times when I'm still hurt... I still question things, but I'm trying my hardest to not let history repeat itself. I'm sorry that I didn't make you happy, but that still didn't give you the right to be an idiot. I do want us to have a long life together and there's a little boy that would love that as well. I want things to be different this time around (obviously). I'm trying to keep a hold on depression. If you want me, you have to show me. There's times when I just need you to hold me... or to hear "I love you"... We've been together for 7 years (with a break in the middle)... and you still hold my heart. It's a little more fucked up these days and a lot more fragile, so please be careful with it. If you don't want it anymore, put it down easy... but I hope that never happens. I love you, Brian... and most of all, I forgive you... but I'll never forget.

You're a Pest... [day nineteen]

pes·ter  (pstr)tr.v. pes·tered, pes·ter·ing, pes·ters To harass with petty annoyances; bother.

Today's actual title was suppose to be "Someone that pesters your mind - good or bad"... I have several types of people that bug the shit out of me... but I can't think of one specific person that I want to write to. When I hear the word pester, I think annoying. I don't understand how someone could pester you in a good way... I mean, really? Let's think about this. Slow-ass Sunday drivers (when it's not even Sunday)... People who chew with their mouths open. I don't want to hear you smack your food! If you are over the age of 1 year old, there is no reason, what-so-ever, why you can't keep your lips together as you eat! That one really pisses me off. Don't even get me started on pathological liars. It annoys me when people won't listen to both sides of a story. People with foot fetishes - that's just nasty. Spoiled rotten rich kids who get their parents to buy them everything. The parents that use the children leashes (inappropriately).... I mean, really? My son did just fine holding my hand. I had taught him to either stay in his stroller or to hold my hand. I get the concept behind it, I really do. As long as you have one thing clear, you child is not a pet. Don't jerk them, drag them or get pissed of at them for being miserable wearing it! Homophobic people... that's a whole other letter in itself. I was actually going to list a lot of my pet peeves... but I'm going to post this for now and possibly come back and edit it later. It's late and my mind can't think for much longer.