An Ex [day seven]

Hmm.... I'm going to leave the name on this one blank for several reasons....

Dear Him,
         Years ago, I starred into those incredible blue eyes. You stood in front of me as this true-blue, 100% bad boy and there I was... ready for trouble. It was November 15th... and by the time March rolled around, we sat on the couch looking at a pregnancy test. I was absolutely terrified, and you were right beside me. I have to admit, I was surprised when you didn't take off running immediately. I knew my parents would kill me, but at that time, all I cared about was having you with me. This girl was head over heels crazy for you.
         About a month later, you turned yourself into jail... well, WE turned you in. I sat in the parking lot crying my eyes out for nearly an hour and had no clue what I was going to do. Too bad you missed the joy of my mother finding out I was (4 months) pregnant. *sarcasm* So.... then you move in with me at my parents... Late nights on the computer, drinking, "working late", going to strip clubs... While I sat at home, with our son growing inside me. My heart would hurt so much during those times. It eventually came down to you going back "home".
         I was so hurt by you. I just wanted you to realize how much I loved you and wanted it to work. I swore up and down that you wouldn't make it to the birth, and honestly, I didn't really want you there. At that time, I felt as though the addictions were more important that us. I was fully prepared to raise this boy by myself. I has just barely turned 18 when November 16th of the next year rolled around. A day after what would have been our 1 year anniversary... My water broke. I hadn't talked to you in almost a month, so I called your family.
         I really didn't want you coming to the delivery if you were drunk... At least you had the 3 hour ride to sober up. *You may not like these words I write now, but these are my feelings of how I felt then.* I was SO mad at you for hurting me. I was so pissed at myself for loving you. Let's fast forward... three (or four) months later. I'm thinking life is going to be perfect, so I move to live with you. Away from my family (that was driving me crazy at the time anyway). At this point, I knew you had already cheated on me before, but I was dumb enough to think it wouldn't happen again.... Long story short, because I don't want this letter to piss you off now. That was years ago and I hope you've made a change for the better. There are just obvious reasons why we couldn't have a relationship.
         There have been times when I have been so disappointed because I always stood behind you saying "this time is different"... and you proved us all wrong. I've seen your heart. I know who you can be and you're a far better person than you think you are. By no means, am I sitting here saying I've been the greatest mother in the world, because that's not true. I have fucked up and made some of the worst mistakes of my life when it comes to that boy... but I don't want to go any deeper into it with this letter. I've probably already gone too far. I am fortunate enough to say that I have a friendship with you. I hope that we can always have that. I worry about you... I'm hoping you can find yourself soon.... not for you, not for me, but for him. I was lucky to find a man who has been a great father-figure in his life and those two love each other deeply... but he needs you too. I'm going to stop writing before I get too much emotion wrapped into this.... besides, I wouldn't want it to be taken the wrong way.