My Dreams [day five]

I'm going to take the internal and external approach to this. My "life" dreams... hell, I might even include my Bucket List in this post. I don't ask for much when it comes to my life dreams. I could say something generic here and going with "all I want is happiness"... but let's go further in depth.
       For years, I've said I wanted to have a photography studio by the time I was 30... well, that's only 2 years away. It's still possible if I bust my ass, but I have several things to focus on right now. I'd rather make sure that I had a strong foundation to stand on before I take on that much responsibility. So, my first goal is to get a stable full time job (whether I love what I'm doing or not). I want that one accomplished now, asap, yesterday! After that, I want to change my home life. Possibly look into buying a house, or rent to own, to have a place from my son and family. I'd love to be doing that with a year. With any luck, I'll be able to have a house that has room for an in-home studio.
       I'm tired of being co-dependent and expecting shit to just fall in my lap (even though I know it won't happen). It's time I stand up and do things for myself. It's ridiculous, I know, but writing this blog is helping. It's out here for the public to see and it almost makes me feel like I'm being held accountable for what I say. Basically, what I'm saying, is that my dreams in life are like most other people... Have a home, raise a good family, make sure my spouse is happy, and stick to what my mother says, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". When it comes down to it, no one else can make you happy... Yes, their actions can create a happy mood for you, but they can't make you happy. I had a husband that constantly told me I was beautiful and took care of me and did all the things that should have made me happy, but I wasn't happy with myself, so in the long run, it ended up messing things up.
       For me, it's simple. I nice house (not too big, not too small), a good job that I'm not miserable doing, a bigger family, a wonderful husband and a children that don't grow up regretting things like I do. Now, I just need to get off my ass and do something about it.

Head Dreams.... those are a little more fucked up. I often have strange dreams... On occasion, I have premonition dreams, causing deja vu like crazy! Other times, I dream about hanging out with Shaycarl (that was last night) or ones that just disturb me. I remember this one dream from when I was in elementary school about a huge gorilla chasing me up the driveway and as I tried to go through the door, it grabbed my foot and pulled out onto the porch - that's normally when I would wake up. Or what about the dream that I was trapped in a abandoned house, in the dark, and the only way I could get through it was to feel the walls (which were covered with wetness)... which I later found out was blood... I guess that wasn't water I was wading through either. I finally found my way out of the house only to see a million squirrels running at me! Oh! Even better, I've given birth to animals... climbed to the top of a huge mushroom only to realize I was stuck in Super Mario World. I've searched for unicorns... went to a jail of nude little people... been a black man... wrestled in bubble gum... You name it, I've probably had a dream about it, with some sick and twisted versions. I typically remember most of dreams, unless I've stressed out. *Hm, I just had an idea* I am obsessed with trying to find the meanings to my dreams so most of the time they make sense with what I'm experiencing in life... sometimes, they are just plain frightening. So, there you have it.... my "letter" to my dreams... I really couldn't figure out a way to write "My dreams"....