This probably won't be a long post. I miss several people and I've mentioned a few of those people already. In a perfect world, I could write this letter to the people I really want to write it to and they would see the sincerity in it and realize that I'm not full of shit and that they were lied to, but not by me. I don't understand how you can be friends with someone and be so close, then let some stupid bitch come along and start shit, and now I'm the one you can't trust?! Anyway. I'm using this entire blog thing as a form of therapy... so maybe this is where I accept the situation and let it go. I've been holding on to this for 2 years now. I have a bad habit of dwelling on so many things. So, I'll write the letter that will never been read, but at least I'll get it off my chest. Hopefully, it helps.
Dear DM,
Let me start of by saying that I really hope one day you realize that you were (are) wrong about me. I'm not the person you've been lead to believe I am. It's hard for me to sit back and know that he has a friendship with you and I don't. No, it's not some jealousy thing that I'm not spending time with him... I get upset because I'm not spending time with you. I get pissed off because you are so disillusioned about shit and that no one wants to listen to my side. This is such bullshit.
Yes, I have assumptions too. I assume that you are acting this way towards me because of one comment that you were told I said. I don't give a shit if it came from more than one person, that doesn't mean it's true. I assume that you think it's absolutely hilarious that this bothers me so much. I assume that you think our relationship is a joke. I assume that things will never be dropped, so we'll continue to get frustrated. I assume you don't realize how this affects everyone else.
We used to have so much fun! I can sit here and list them all out, but it won't phase you. It's gotten to the point that we can't even be civil with each other... yet, I don't have any problems with you and I'm sorry that I'm so pissed off that you have problems with me. Apparently, our entire friendship didn't mean anything to you. Otherwise, you would know that I'm not that kind of person. I would think that in order to make this less stressful for him, that you could at least give me a chance. I get pissed off that you're friends with that bitch. If only you knew what she is about! You have no idea what she's said about you, but I'm not going to start my own "he said, she said"... I'm confident that one day you'll realize. It would be so much easier for me to let go and move on if it wasn't thrown in my face all the time. I'm grateful that at least he has a strong friendship with you because he really enjoys your company. I really am. You both mean a lot to him. That's all I'm trying to do too. I'm not sure if you'll ever stumble across this letter or not... and if you do, I don't know if you'll have something to say about it or not. (I'm sure you'll get a laugh out of it.)
I hate the fact that I have so much frustration built up in this. All I want is to hang out and have times like we used to. I wish things were different, I really do. Maybe one day we can actually sit down and find a way to be civil. I don't think we'll ever have an actual friendship again (although that would be great), but we could possibly drop the tension and maybe get to the bottom of this pile of bullshit. Either way, thanks for being there for him when he needs someone. I really mean that. I can only hope that one day this changes... if it doesn't, I'll find a way to get over it.... Somehow.
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